


Fatal Attraction

by actuallyronanlynch



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Illness, M/M, Slice of Life, emphysema, rin is buddies with rei and nagisa because why the eff not, this is going to kill me to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2015-03-18
Packaged: 2018-02-13 04:58:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2137869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actuallyronanlynch/pseuds/actuallyronanlynch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haru is sick and Rin doesn't know how to cope with the inevitability that he boy he loves will die before his time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this prompt](http://otpprompts.tumblr.com/post/94465832578/person-a-and-b-are-close-friends-and-have-liked).

Rin knew that something wasn't quite right when he got a text from Haru in the middle of swim practice, asking him to meet down at the beach later in the evening. The way the message was worded seemed so... Careful, thought-out, which was unlike Haru's usual firing off of texts without really caring how they sounded. The redhead tried to ignore the way re-reading the message made his stomach knot in unease and worry, reasoning with himself that everything was fine, that he was simply overreacting.

 _If he's putting me through this for nothing, I swear I'm going to kill him..._ Rin thought to himself as he tugged his shirt on and shoved his swimsuit into his bag, heading out of the change rooms with an irritated sigh.

Rin slowly headed back to his dorm (he had graduated high school the previous year, and lived in residence at the local university), his mind still mulling over the text he had received from the blue-eyed boy. It was strange, to say the least, and he couldn't seem to find a reason for Haru wanting to speak to him down at the beach. He felt his chest constrict as a new thought popped into his head; what if Haru wanted to... _Confess_ to him?

No, that would never happen. Haru wasn't the type of boy to ask Rin to meet him at the beach to make a dramatic confession as the sun set on the horizon of the water. He wasn't like _Nagisa_ , for example. If the blue-eyed boy had something to say in that sense, he would been blunt and direct about it.

Rin was just letting his own feelings towards the other boy cloud his thoughts.

The redhead had considered Haru more than a friend since he moved back to Japan; there was undeniable chemistry between them, at least in his opinion. Makoto had told him countless times that he thought they would make a cute couple— only to be shushed by a flustered Rin.

Whatever it was Haru wanted to tell him, however, he wasn't going to learn it for a few more hours, so he figured he might as well do some of his classwork to pass the time while he waited.

 

* * *

 

The cool sea breeze blew Rin's hair ungracefully around his face as he headed down to the beach, and he absently wished that he had tied it up before leaving the university campus. 

The younger boy had suggested that they meet on the pier, but he was nowhere in sight. Rin checked the text message again to double check the time, but he wasn't earlier than he should have been. 

"Rin."

The redhead turned as he heard his name, watching as Haru slowly made his way over to where he was waiting near the end of the pier. "Hi," he replied, his lips quirking up into a faint smirk. "So, what was so important that I had to drag my ass out to the beach at this time of night?" he asked jokingly, but the smile immediately vanished as Haru looked away, a faintly pained expression on his face. It concerned the redhead, that the blue-eyed boy's normally stoic appearance had become clouded with any sort of emotion.

"I can't talk for long, so I have to be quick." Haru said, avoiding eye-contact with the taller boy. Rin narrowed his eyes, not liking the direction the conversation was headed in. The black-haired boy let out a sigh, his gaze still fixed on the dark expanse of ocean to the side.

"You're seriously just going to dump something on me and leave?" Rin snapped, folding his arms across his chest. Whatever it was Haru wanted to say, he could stick around long enough for Rin to respond before he took off. The redhead tried to ignore the knots in his stomach, looking expectantly at the smaller boy.

He didn't answer his question, didn't even look at him when he said, "I'm.. I'm not well."

"What do you mean, you're 'not well'?" Rin questioned, concern swelling in his chest. 

Haru paused for a moment, his features contorting in what Rin could only describe as frustration. What he was frustrated with, the redhead didn't know.

"I went to the doctor's the other day, because I.. I was having trouble breathing while I was doing laps in the pool," the blue-eyed boy began, forcing himself to look at Rin. "They asked me some questions, gave me a physical exam, and I went in for x-rays today." he explained, clearing his throat and looking down. "They told me I have emphysema." 

Rin blinked, trying to process what he was being told. "Emphysema? Like, the.. Lung disease?" he asked, a frown slowly forming on his brow. Haru nodded, and the redhead felt his stomach drop.

"If I'm going to be honest, I'm.. My lungs aren't doing well. I'm going to have to take different kinds of medication and go in for regular check-ups. Makoto is going with me to Tokyo to see a specialist, but..." the black-haired boy trailed off, and all Rin wanted to do was wrap his arms around him, tell the smaller boy that everything was going to be okay— but he didn't know if that was true. The redhead was left speechless, and Haru shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. "I... Don't think we should hang around each other anymore, Rin."

"What? Why?" the redhead blurted, his eyes widening slightly at the sudden proclamation from the other boy. "Look, Haru, this doesn't change anything—"

"It doesn't have to do with that." Haru snapped, and Rin could see his throat work as he swallowed before speaking again. "I don't  _want_ us to be friends anymore, all right?" 

Rin's chest suddenly felt too tight and he couldn't breathe, the world spinning around him as he stood helplessly and watched Haru turn to walk away. "Haru, wait!" he called out, scrambling forward after the blue-eyed boy. "You can't just tell me something like that and then tell me you don't want to see me anymore!"

"I thought you had the right to know, so you wouldn't be surprised when—" Haru cut himself off mid-sentence, shaking his head and turning his back to the redhead. "I'm sorry, Rin. We can't see each other anymore." And with that, the blue-eyed boy took off into the night, leaving Rin voiceless as hot tears welled in his eyes. Haru... Was  _gone_ _._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's the first chapter. Sorry it's a little on the short side, the other ones will probably be longer. I'm not sure how many chapters it's going to be, but at this point I'm thinking between three or four. Feedback is always welcome!


	2. Chapter 2

"Makoto, I would appreciate if you told me what the _fuck_ was going on." Rin barked into the phone pressed between his shoulder and his cheek, scribbling down copies of the notes he had borrowed from a classmate whose name he had forgotten. After a moment longer, he tossed his pen aside with a frustrated grunt, taking the phone in his hand to better focus on the conversation.

“Rin, I don’t think we should be talking about this if Haru—”

“Fuck what Haru says, I want to know what’s going on, _now_.” Rin snapped, pushing away from his desk to begin pacing around the room, trying to calm his temper.

“Well, ah, he told you that he was… Ill, and that I’m going with him to the doctor in Tokyo—”

“ _Yes_ , but why is he suddenly so sick? Does he have to quit swimming?” _Why doesn’t he want to see me anymore?_

“We’re not exactly sure why he has emphysema, that’s what the specialist is going to try to find out,” Makoto explained in a tone of voice that made Rin clench his jaw. “As for swimming, we’re not sure at this point. His… His lungs are in poor shape right now. He’s going to be taking pills and he’ll have an inhaler on him in case he needs it.” the brunet added, and Rin let out a long breath.

“You sound like his mother or something,” the redhead muttered, flopping down onto his bed and staring up at the ceiling. Makoto let out a lighthearted laugh, but both boys knew it wasn’t very sincere. “Did he… Did he tell you that he didn’t want to see me anymore?” Rin asked, his voice uncharacteristically quiet.

Makoto was quiet for a moment before he gently answered the question. “Yes, he did. I don’t think it’s right for me to talk about it with you, Rin.”

The redhead let out a long breath, knowing he shouldn’t be upset with Makoto. He was being a good friend to Haru, which, if anything, the black-haired boy needed right now. "I just... I don't understand why he would cut me out of his life like that." _I need him_.

Makoto was silent for a moment, and Rin's regret over calling the brunet only increased tenfold. "Rin, you know he cares about you. You're his friend—"

"Friends don't tell other friends that they can't see each other anymore." Rin hissed through gritted teeth, fighting back tears as he spoke. He couldn't keep the words from flowing out of his mouth. "You _know_ how I feel about him, Makoto, and I just can't believe he'd tell me he was sick, dismiss it as preventing me from being shocked when he _dies_ , and then cut me out of his life completely." The redhead's voice cracked near the end of the sentence, and he winced. He shouldn't have been talking to Makoto, of all people, about this. He shouldn't have been talking about it to anyone.

"Rin.." Makoto said gently, and the older boy merely shook his head at himself.

"I've got to go. I'll call you in a while to check up on Haru, alright? Bye." Rin hung up without waiting for a response, too upset at that point to care about being impolite.

He decided to go for a run to clear his head; if he stayed cooped up in his room, he feared he'd call Makoto back and demand more answers he knew he wouldn't get.

 

* * *

   
Rin pushed himself harder than usual when he went out for his run, almost going twice the distance he usually ran, his lungs and muscles burning in protest over going so fast for so long. He eventually slowed down to a walk as he headed back in the direction of his dorm, gulping down air to fill his strained lungs. _Maybe I should be upset more often if I run like this_ , he thought wistfully, brushing his bangs off of his sweaty forehead. He'd have a long shower when he got back, and then he'd try to get some sleep.

 

* * *

 

The redhead slept uneasily, as he had been for the past week after the incident with Haru on the pier, tossing and turning and slipping in and out of sleep. He luckily had a dorm room to himself without a roommate to bother, but that fact didn't improve his restlessness in the slightest. He found himself squinting at his blindingly bright phone in his otherwise dark room, reading the last few texts that he and Haru had exchanged, which had been about meeting at the beach.

He wondered if Haru had blocked his number.

With a sigh of resignation, he tossed his phone aside and curled up on himself, his face buried in his pillow as he let out a miserable groan. This was why he tried not to get attached to people. It was... Different with Haru, however. He had been Rin's friend for so long, and then the redhead had gone and... Well, he supposed he had fallen in love with the blue-eyed boy, if he was being honest with himself. The thought made his chest squeeze painfully, and he shut his eyes tightly, trying to will himself to fall asleep.

 

* * *

 

It had been two weeks since Rin had last spoken to Haru. He had spoken with Rei and Nagisa, who were in their last year of high school, and were apparently visiting Haru on weekends. It seemed he was the only one that the blue-eyed boy had cut off contact with, but he refused to admit to himself how much it hurt him.

"Rin-chan should surprise Haru-chan," Nagisa continually insisted over the phone, much to the displeasure of Rei. "Buy him flowers and show up at his doorstep when he's at home."

"Flowers?" Rin responded, the idea not appealing to him at all. "Why flowers?"

"Because Rin-chan loves Haru-chan." the little blond cooed, drawling out the word "love". Rin felt his face heat up, and he sputtered a bit before replying.

"L-love? Where would you get that idea?" he snapped, sitting up on his bed and trying to will his voice to stay even. He heard Nagisa gasp on the other end of the line, and he whispered something to Rei.

"I was just teasing, Rin-chan... Is there something you want to tell us?" The redhead could hear the grin in the little devil's voice.

"Nagisa-kun!" Rei chastised, and Rin heard scuffling sounds as the dark-haired boy wrestled the phone away from the blond. "I think that what Nagisa-kun is trying to say is that you could potentially try to meet up with Haruka-senpai and try to talk things out."

"That's not what I was saying at all!" Nagisa wailed in the background, only to be shushed by Rei.

"We know you're worried about him. We'll make sure to keep you as up to date as possible regarding his health."

"Thanks, Rei." Rin sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I'll let you go. Sounds like you're already dealing with a handful." he smirked. They exchanged goodbyes before hanging up, and the redhead let out a long sigh. Maybe he should try to speak with Haru. They had been in each other's lives for so long, and suddenly, the blue-eyed boy had vanished out of his. He was alone, and he missed the younger boy so much that it hurt.

There had to be some sort of way to make up with him. He at least wanted a straight reason why Haru didn't want to see him anymore. If he was given a proper answer, if he was just allowed to talk with him for a moment... He would leave him alone for good.

 

* * *

 

Rin took a deep breath as he resurfaced from his lap, his shoulders slumped and his head hung in slight embarrassment and shame. He had stayed late after the regular practice to try and get in some extra training. His times were getting slower and slower the more worried he became about Haru, and though none of his teammates had mentioned it, he knew they were anxious.

 _For good reason. What would Haru think? You can't afford to slack off now_ , he reminded himself. The scholarships he had received to go towards his university tuition were due to his swimming abilities, and one of the requirements was that he do well on the swim team at the school.

With another deep breath, Rin dove back into the water, doing four more laps before pulling himself up onto the side of the pool to take a break.

 

* * *

 

Rin’s stomach was knotted painfully in nervousness as he walked up the steps that lead to a familiar house, clutching an envelope tightly in his hands. It wasn’t his usual way of doing things; he was direct and blunt and preferred face-to-face conversation over cryptic messages, such as the one he was about to slip into Haru’s mailbox. It had been suggested by Nagisa and Rei (unsurprisingly), because they thought that it would allow Haru a certain amount of comfort rather than an interrogation (their words, not Rin’s) performed by the redhead, as usual. The note merely explained that he wished to speak with Haru, and gave a time and place to meet if he was willing to. It was similar to the initial text that the dark-haired boy had sent him asking to meet at the beach, he realised, and shook his head at himself as he reached Haru’s doorstep.

Rei had told him that Haru had a doctor’s appointment during the day and wouldn’t be home for a few hours, so Rin figured it would be best to drop the note off then, when he could avoid being seen by the black-haired boy. He felt strange, sneaking around like this, but if it would upset Haru less than meeting face-to-face without warning, he would do it anyway.

Letting out a shaky breath, the redhead steeled himself and turned to open the mailbox adjacent to the door. It would be fine, he assured himself. The worst that could happen was that the dark-haired boy would say no, and things would stay the same as they had been for the past few weeks.

Rin didn’t know if he was okay with that, however.

He knew that Haru had the right to tell him off, to tell him to leave him alone and that he never wanted to see him again. He would respect his wishes as well, if that was what the other boy wanted. Nonetheless, he couldn’t help the awful feeling that developed in the pit of his stomach when he thought about the possibility of losing Haru for good.

Gathering what courage he could, he stuffed the envelope into the mailbox and let the lid fall shut before turning and hurrying off, shoving his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants. He headed back in the direction of the train station, letting out a long breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding in.

With the letter business taken care of, hopefully it would put him at ease and allow him to focus on the swimming. Aside from practice, all he had left to do was wait for a response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A wild second chapter appeared (edited because I missed a part the first time)! So, I'll hopefully be finishing this pretty soon. I have another chapter or two left, so I guess we'll see where it goes C;


	3. Chapter 3

Rin's head snapped up from where it had been buried in his textbook, grabbing his ringing phone off his desk and answering it before pressing it to his ear. "Yo," he said, trying to keep his voice even despite the nerves that coiled in his stomach.

"You were expecting someone else, Rin-chan?" Nagisa's irritatingly chipper voice came through the redhead's phone, and he let out a long groan, debating hanging up and tossing his phone onto his bed across the room. "I wanted to know how things with Haru-chan are going!" the blond defended himself, and Rin decided against launching his phone. If he missed, it would be the death of the device.

"Nothing's happened yet." the redhead answered gruffly, pushing his hair off of his forehead as he stared down unseeingly at his textbook. The class was boring and useless, anyway.

"Hmm, that's not a good sign," Nagisa mused, and Rin could hear Rei chastising him in the background. He shook his head and smiled despite himself.

"He can take as much time as he wants, I guess. I'm sure he'd tell me if he didn't want to meet up." Rin sighed in reply, pushing his textbook aside and grabbing a sports magazine to read instead.

"Are you sure, Rin-chan? Maybe he hasn't seen the note you left yet!" Nagisa provided, and the redhead could hear shuffling in the background as the phone was passed off to Rei.

"Did you leave it in his mailbox like we suggested?" the bespectacled boy asked.

"Yes."

"Maybe Haruka-senpai hasn't checked his mailbox yet, then. He isn't very particular about checking for mail, and he's been busy with appointments lately—"

"Rei, I'm sure it's fine." Rin snapped, sliding his magazine aside once he had grown bored of it, too.

He was afraid, deep down, though he would never admit it to Nagisa or Rei. Haru hadn't responded to his letter and it had been a  _week_. He hadn't heard anything from the dark-haired boy, not even a message telling him to leave him alone. It worried the redhead, and kept him up at night, if he was going to be honest with himself. He was worried about Haru and his well-being, and wanted to at least know if he was doing okay or not. He barely knew anything about his friend's (well, ex-friend's), condition.

"Listen, I'm going to go. I have some homework I need to do, but I'll talk to you guys later, all right?" the redhead said suddenly, though he was getting up from his desk and searching around the room for his wallet.

"Bye Rin-chan!" Nagisa chirped happily, and Rei gave a brief goodbye, as well, before Rin hung up and plugged his phone into its charger by his bed. He figured he could grab a coffee and something sugary from the cafeteria to help raise his energy levels, so he  _could_ actually focus on his homework.

 

* * *

 

Rin let out a soft breath as he was woken up at God knows what time, squinting in the darkness of his room to try and locate the vile item that had disrupted his peaceful sleep. His phone was buzzing angrily at the end of his bed, and he sat up with a sigh, unplugging it from the charger and checking its too-bright screen, shielding his eyes until they had adjusted. 

He felt shockingly awake as he read the name that appeared on his screen; Nanase Haru.

He hit the talk button and pressed the phone against his ear, leaning back against his headboard as he tried to compose himself. "Hello?" he said, his voice sounding tired and raspy.

"Rin?" He pretended that his heart didn't flutter at the way Haru said his name. "Can you come meet me? Down at the pier again?"

Rin's throat felt tight and warm, and he cleared his throat before attempting to speak. "Yeah, sure. I'll... Be there as soon as I can, okay?" he replied, albeit a little unevenly.

"Okay." Haru answered quietly, and then hung up. Rin sat in bed for a moment, merely listening to the sound of the hum on the dead line before hanging up as well and reluctantly pulling himself out of bed. He grabbed a sweater to pull on and slipped on his shoes as he stumbled towards the door, grabbing his keys off of his desk and shoving them into his pocket with his phone before heading out into the hall.

 

* * *

 

The beach was empty by this time of night, and the cool breeze off the ocean helped to wake Rin up to an extent. He didn't know why Haru had decided to meet him in the middle of the night (it was legitimately 1:30 in the morning, the man had no boundaries), but it wasn't as if he could say no. It was _Haru_. He had been wanting to speak to him for weeks, and he was worried about... Everything. 

He saw Haru standing at the end of the peer, hunched over as if he was checking his phone. Rin felt a pang of guilt over taking so long, but he had had to walk, and it wasn't a short distance from the university. He walked the short distance and paused, about to reach out to touch the smaller boy on the shoulder when Haru turned to face him before he could reach out. Rin swallowed, unprepared for the look of relief that flooded Haru's face. 

"You came," he murmured, voice uncharacteristically... Emotional.

"Of course I did." Rin replied uncertainly, taking a step towards the dark-haired boy. He couldn't help but feel his tension abating by merely seeing that Haru was okay. "Fuck, Haru.." he breathed, taking a step forward and pulling the smaller man against him. Haru tensed, but after a moment he sunk forward against the taller man. 

"I can't do it any more." he mumbled against Rin's shirt, his voice shaking. "I never should have tried to cut off contact with you. Everything's just so confused and I.." Haru trailed off, keeping his face pressed against the redhead's collarbone. Rin swallowed, his arms still wrapped around Haru's shoulders.

"Would you prefer to go back to my dorm to talk for a while?" Rin asked quietly, still somewhat wary. He felt like he was dreaming, that all of this couldn't be happening. He hadn't talked to Haru in a month, and after his letter hadn't been responded to, he hadn't known if Haru ever would want to contact him again. Rin never thought cutting someone from one's life would be particularly easy, and he presumed he had been correct.

Haru retracted, seeming to realise that he had still been hugging Rin, and nodded once, solemnly. Rin nodded, as well, turning around and beginning to head back down the pier.

His head was a jumble of questions and scattered thoughts; why was Haru talking to him now? What did he want to say? Did this mean that they were on better terms than they had been over the previous four weeks?

They were quiet walking back to the university campus, neither speaking up and resulting in a slightly uncomfortable silence to endure. Rin unconsciously clenched and unclenched his fists as they continued on, desperately trying to clear his thoughts so he would be able to speak with Haru. The relief he felt was beyond him, and he could only just keep himself together until they made it back to his room.

He unlocked his door with shaking hands and waited until Haru had gone inside before following and letting the door fall shut behind them. He kicked off his shoes and sank down onto his bed, watching Haru curiously looking around his room. He glanced away in embarrassment as he realised the smaller boy's gaze had settled on a picture of all of them back in high school that was pinned to his bulletin board above his desk.

"Rin," Haru started after studying the redhead's dorm for a few more minutes in silence. He turned towards the bed, looking pointedly at the other man. Rin swallowed, hard, forcing himself to meet Haru's gaze. "I want to explain what's happening to me before anything else." he said quietly, digging his socked toes into the carpet and reluctantly dropping his eyes. Rin nodded, his only response.

"You know I have emphysema. That's.. The main thing, I suppose." he muttered, uncertainly sitting down on the bed next to Rin. Their knees touched for a brief moment as Haru settled down. "Most people think it's weird, because I don't smoke or anything and I lived... Relatively healthily, I suppose." He paused to sigh, and Rin noted that he hadn't heard Haru talk consecutively this long for a great deal of time.

"The doctors told me that I have something called alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency," Haru mumbled, staring down into his lap. "Alpha-1 antritrypsin is what keeps white blood cells from attacking normal tissues. Since I have a deficiency, it's not stopping them from attacking my lung tissue. That's why I got it so young, because it's not exactly common for eighteen-year-olds to have severe lung problems." Rin thought that if Haru was the type to laugh bitterly, he would have been doing so.

"And there isn't anything they can do for you?" Rin asked, voice artificially gentle.

"There's no cure or anything. That's why I can't swim. It's too much." he grunted, rubbing the tip of his nose with his sleeve.

"And how the hell did you get alpha-anti-whatever deficiency?" Rin snapped before he could stop himself. He wasn't mad at Haru, of course. He was just mad... At life, he supposed. It wasn't fair. Haru wouldn't be able to _swim_ anymore. They wouldn't be able to swim _together_.

"It's genetic." Haru said flatly. He didn't indicate if either of his parents suffered from it, or were carriers or anything like that (Rin wasn't excellent at biology), so he assumed that it hadn't been something actively discussed in his family.

Rin nodded slowly, scratching the back of his arm. He was waiting for Haru to get up and leave again, deciding that now that Rin knew, there wasn't anything more to say. There were so many things that Rin wanted to tell him, however; so many things that had been left unsaid for far too long, things that the redhead didn't want to hold back anymore. He opened his mouth to speak, but Haru was already talking.

"It was stupid of me to try to... I don't know what I was trying to do," he admitted, clasping his hands together. "I thought that if... That if we didn't talk anymore, that I couldn't hurt you."

Rin's eyes widened in shock, his gaze settling on Haru's face.

"I thought that it would hurt you more, having to be around me and watch me get sicker, for us to not be able to swim together anymore..." Haru took a shaky breath, looking up to meet Rin's eyes. "I didn't want to see you have to go through all of that, Rin."

"But you kept Makoto, Nagisa, Rei around!" he protested, feeling his hands beginning to tremble again. _I wanted to be there for you. I wanted to show you how much I cared, how much you meant to me. How much I loved you._

"It's not the same." Haru mumbled, his hands clenching into fists.

"What do you mean, 'it's not the same'? Of course it is! I'm as much as your friend than any of the other guys—"

"You're so much more than that, Rin." Haru was staring down into his lap again, his lips barely moving as he spoke.

Rin felt his pulse quicken.

"Haru.." he breathed, cupping a hand over his mouth. He could feel tears forming in his eyes, and he shook his head, mostly for his own benefit. "Y-you don't get to confess to me after ignoring me for a month, a-after everything that's happened—"

And then Haru was kissing him, the hand that had been over his mouth now held tightly by Haru's. A wave of affection ran through him, and he kissed Haru back, hard, consequences damned.

He felt a hand knot in his hair and wrapped an arm around Haru's waist, drawing their bodies closer together. There was something hot and electric and raw underneath the surface, but for now, he and Haru were too lost in each other to stop kissing, harsh at first, but slowly dissolving to feather-light pecks.

When they pulled away to breathe, both of their cheeks were wet with tears (Rin's more so, but Haru didn't point it out). He gently brushed his thumb over Haru's skin, wiping away the wetness and producing a sad smile from the smaller man. "This is why," he said, pausing to help Rin with wiping his cheeks dry. "I've always liked you. You don't treat me like I'm fragile, like I'm about to break, even when everyone else is walking on eggshells around me."

Rin laughed lightly, giddy and melancholy, and pressed another kiss to Haru's lips, as breathtaking as the first, second, third had been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kind of a dick for leaving this for so long //apologises profusely.  
> I've been working on some other fics and became effectively distracted. HERE'S SOME MORE ANGST (with a delicious side of fluff).


	4. Chapter 4

The water was cool against Rin's flushed skin as he dived into the university's pool and resurfaced with a gasp, pushing his wet hair out of his eyes as he glanced up to where Haru waited cautiously at the edge of the pool. "Do you want to get in now?" he asked, swimming to the tiled side and resting his feet on the bottom of the pool. Haru looked down uncertainly at the water before nodding, slowly lowering himself and slipping into the water. It made Rin's chest tight; he was used to seeing Haru disrobe and dive into the water as soon as he had the chance. The new, cautious attitude that the blue-eyed man had towards swimming simply made him sad. The energy that had brought them together and pushed them to race against one another was gone, and it left Rin with an empty feeling in his heart.

Haru looked a little uncomfortable standing in the pool at first; his eyes flitted across the water longingly before he looked to Rin, trying to suppress a desire they both knew was burning inside him. Haru had lived and breathed swimming, and he could no longer do so.

Rin wanted to suggest that they do laps, but decided against it, knowing Haru would agree and not wanting him to push himself. Haru had told him it had started a while back; when he swam, especially for extended periods of time, his chest would feel tight and he would have a hard time breathing. He said land training had been even worse, and when he couldn't soldier on and ignore the pain any longer, he went to the doctor to get himself tested.

"It's nice here," Haru commented absently, breaking the silence that had settled between the two of them. Rin nodded slowly, sinking back into the water and leisurely swimming across the length of the pool.

"Their fitness centre is pretty good, as well. I usually do cardio outside, but when it gets cooler I'll have to stay indoors." the redhead explained, watching Haru nod before ducking underwater.

Things between the two of them were... Great, really, at least in Rin's opinion. It had been a month since they had started speaking again, a month since they had gotten together. It was something that Rin still had to get used to; sometimes, when he was still half asleep in the early hours of the morning, he wondered if he had dreamt it all. But every time he woke up next to Haru in his bed on the weekends he went to visit, every time he saw the endearingly small smile spread across the blue-eyed man's lips when Rin became overly excited, it made him fall in love with the dark-haired man that much more. It had definitely been worth the wait.

Rin resurfaced and brushed back his wet hair, seeing that Haru was floating on his back a little ways away, staring up unseeingly at the ceiling. "You can come hang out in my dorm for a while after this, if you want." the redhead suggested, swimming over to where the dark-haired man was aimlessly drifting in the water.

"That's what I was planning to do." he deadpanned, and Rin let out a gentle laugh in response. The two swam for a while longer, albeit slower and less competitively than they were used to, but they did manage one short race without leaving Haru too out of breath. He looked a lot happier afterwards, anyway.

They rinsed in the locker room and towelled off before gathering their belongings and heading out of the natatorium, making their way across the campus until they reached Rin's dorm. They dropped their bags on the floor and slid onto the bed, Rin's arms instinctively wrapping around the shorter man.

"It's so hard, Rin," Haru breathed, his voice barely above a whisper. Rin could feel him trembling slightly in his arms.

"I know, Haru," he replied softly, squeezing his eyes shut as he held the dark-haired man a little tighter. He knew how hard it was for Haru; swimming had been his passion, the thing he turned to when he didn't know what else to do. He was picking up his other hobbies again, painting and cooking to occupy himself, but it wasn't the same. Rin tried to do what he could to help him, but he was sure that he reminded Haru of swimming together, or their life before he got sick.

Rin held Haru for a long time, listening to his ragged breathing and gently rubbing his back each time he thought he was going to cry. The redhead wished he knew what he could do to help the smaller man; his heart was breaking, knowing Haru was so upset and not being able to do anything about it. But what could he do,  _really_?  _  
_

How could he possibly try to fix something that neither of them had any semblance of control over? How could he begin to help Haru when he was dealing with his own crippling fear that the other man was just going to get progressively sicker, and—

"It'll be okay," Rin murmured into the smaller man's hair as he felt his breath catch in his throat again, his lips brushing against his forehead as he attempted to calm him down. He knew his words were hollow, that he couldn't really assure that anything would turn out all right in the end.

 

* * *

 

Rin glanced up from what he was doing as he heard the front door shut; he quietly left the bathroom and padded down the stairs to the main floor, watching Haru hang his jacket on the coat rack by the door, shaking off the lingering late autumn chill as he stepped further into the house. He had taken the train further into town to attend a check-up with a local doctor at around four, and had protested to the idea of Rin blowing off his classes so he wouldn't have had to go alone. Rin figured the next best thing he could have done was to head over to Haru's place after his classes were finished to make sure he was comfortable when he returned from his appointment.

"Haru," he said softly, offering the dark-haired man a small smile as he turned to face him. "How was the check-up?" he added, leaning against the wall as Haru toed off his shoes and stepped forward to press a gentle kiss against the redhead's cheek.

"Same as always," Haru huffed, leaning against Rin as he wrapped his arms around the shorter man's waist. Rin tried to ignore the faint tone of disappointment he heard in Haru's voice; they both knew it wasn't going away anytime soon. It was just something they were going to have to cope with.

"Um, I— I drew a bath upstairs just before you got home, if you wanted to come join me..." Rin blurted out somewhat shyly, withdrawing one hand to nervously scratch at the back of his neck. He could feel a light flush colouring his cheeks, the tips of his ears turning pink, but the way Haru instantly brightened at the mention of a bath made it worth the embarrassment. Haru gently took him by the hand and led him up to the bathroom, a rush of steam washing over them as they opened the door and stepped into the warm room.

Haru was quick to undress (really, when wasn't he when it came to water?), and Rin followed suit albeit a little slower, and together they sunk down into the tub. Rin wrapped his arms around Haru's middle again as the blue-eyed man leaned back against his chest, letting out a long, content sigh as the water lapped at his hips and stomach. He was relaxing; that had been Rin's intention, and the redhead smiled faintly as he lightly ran a hand through Haru's dark hair.

"Hey, Haru," Rin started, tipping his head back to distractedly stare at the ceiling as the smaller man absently traced circles on his thighs underwater. Haru merely responded with a soft, "Hm?", craning his neck slightly to look behind him. "When I get on winter break, what do you say about going away for a little while? We could go to Tokyo for a few days, do some touristy shit a-and just get away for a while," he elaborated, wincing at the slight unevenness of his voice. "Just the two of us, it'll be l-like a real vacation instead of just spending all my time cooped up in my dorm."

A small frown settled over Haru's features, his eyes flicking over Rin's face as he bit his lip in thought. "Rin, what's wrong?"

"N-nothing's wrong. Can't a guy want to take his boyfriend on a trip together?" he said, hiding the tightness in his throat behind a nervous laugh.

"Rin.." Haru objected, his brows knit tightly together as he studied the redhead's face. Rin forced himself to tilt his head back down, to lock gazes with Haru, and he felt his lower lip tremble as he stared into blue, unwavering eyes. _It just wasn't fair_. How could it possibly be? Why did it have to be _Haru_?

The dark-haired boy twisted slightly so he was more or less facing Rin, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and pulling him into a hug. No, _Rin_ should be the one offering comfort and support, not the other way around—

Haru shifted so that his knees were resting on either side of Rin's hips, gently cupping his face and brushing his thumb gingerly over his cheekbone. "Rin," he said, more firmly, sliding his hand to the back of the redhead's neck to keep him from glancing away. "We can go away together if you want to," he added hesitantly, his concern still evident on his face.

Rin nodded, blinking harshly as he tried to regain control of himself. He was being ridiculous; he'd wanted to wind down with Haru after a likely stressful day, and he was getting worked up over nothing. The appointment had been fine.

"You'll be okay to take time off work?" he asked in clarification. Haru had recently begun working at a small seafood restaurant in town, but he was only a waiter and it wasn't a full-time job. He nodded calmly, brushing a strand of hair off of Rin's forehead. His expression slowly softened.

"Makoto's birthday is coming up next week," the dark-haired man commented absently, and that was that. Rin wondered if he was acting strong because Rin wasn't, if he was just as worried and bearing it in silence. It made his stomach tighten in worry.

"Are we all gonna go out?" he asked in reply, sinking them down further into the now-tepid bath water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this took so long for me to write D: I was distracted with other fics, and when I finally started writing in this again, I ended up swamped with schoolwork. The last chapter hopefully won't take as long, though.  
> I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT I'M DOING AHAHAH.  
> This was originally only intended to be four chapters in total, but I didn't like ending it on this note, so I'll be adding one more chapter as a conclusion :)  
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated! Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The utterly domestic conclusion.  
> PS - big thanks to Liz for beta-ing it for me<3

They had both been to Tokyo before, of course, for swim meets and things of the like, but Rin himself hadn't really been able to venture around the city at his own pace, and he didn't think that Haru had ever had the opportunity himself. It was cold, because early January always was, even in the city, but the pair were bundled up against the weather in large winter jackets and thick scarves and mittens. Haru's nose had already turned a rosy pink, and Rin held his hand a little tighter to suppress the urge to rub the tip of his own against it.

They were walking through Yoyogi Park despite the sharp bite in the air, their hands loosely clasped together as they walked. It wasn't as nice as it would have been if all of the plants and trees were in bloom, but it was still calm and quiet and a nice way to relax for an hour or so. "We should come back for hanami when all the sakura trees are budding," Haru spoke up, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between them as they strolled. "I think you'd probably lose your mind."

"I would not," Rin grumbled in response, though the thought of returning with Haru when all of the trees were covered with little pink flowers did have a very particular appeal to the redhead. To be fair, he'd probably earner the teasing from the smaller boy anyway.

Haru hummed contentedly in response, still obviously disagreeing with the taller boy's defense.

Even though it was only a few degrees above zero, Rin was having a nice time moving through the park. He thought that they might have a warm bath when they got back to the hotel room, or at least curl up together under the bedsheets to warm up their frozen appendages. It was... Peaceful, being able to spend time alone with Haru like this. He felt less anxious, and though Haru never really showed his own worry, he seemed more at ease, as well.

"We should walk around more when we come up here for meets," Rin commented absently, turning to look at Haru and smiling faintly when he noticed him looking around the park with curiosity. Haru nodded in agreement, giving Rin's hand a gentle squeeze as he steered them down another path that led deeper into the park.

 

* * *

 

When they arrived back at their hotel room with a bag of takeout food, they stripped their outerwear and curled up together on the couch, Haru having dragged the comforter off of the bed to cover them as they ate. The smaller boy was, of course, eating miso stewed mackerel and rice, while Rin stuck to a hot kake udon.

"Do you want me to check on the sake?" Haru asked, looking up from his dinner, but Rin shook his head and extracted himself from the tangled blanket, setting his bowl down on the table before venturing into the kitchen.

"I've got it," he said dismissively, not too bothered by the momentary absence of Haru's warmth. He carefully removed the tokkuri from the bowl of hot water that was resting on the counter, being mindful not to burn himself as he poured the sake into two kiriko glasses. He brought them back out into the small living room, handing one to Haru before curling back up on the couch and taking a sip of the warm alcohol.

"It's good," Haru told him, even though Rin knew he wasn't a big drinker, but he drank the sake in between bites of his food and actually seemed to enjoy it.

"I'm glad. It's nice to drink when it's so cold out. I know you don't love the weather this time of year," the redhead laughed lightly, smiling as Haru leaned into his side while they continued to eat in relative silence.

Rin ended up drinking more of the sake than Haru did, feeling contentedly tipsy as they lay on the couch tangled in each other's heavy limbs. He let out a drawn-out sigh as Haru nuzzled his face into the crook of his neck, gently running his fingers along the dark-haired boy's spine.

"We should do things like this more often," Rin murmured quietly, turning his head so he could press a kiss against Haru's cheek. He miscalculated his movement, however, and ended up pressing his lips to the corner of the shorter boy's eye. Haru let out a breathy laugh, loosely tangling a hand in Rin's soft hair as the redhead curled closer against him.

"It is nice to be able to get away for a while," Haru said softly, his voice sounding almost wistful, even to an inebriated Rin. The taller boy shifted slightly to wrap both of his arms around Haru, holding him tightly against his chest.

"Just try not to worry, okay? Let's enjoy ourselves while we're on vacation."

"Rin, I can't breathe—"

"Sorry," Rin quickly apologised, loosening his grip before he continued. "I mean, we should definitely go away together more often," he said, his voice minutely slurred. "It's good, spending time together." The two were silent for a moment, Haru's eyes flitting across Rin's face in concern as the redhead tried to hold it together. He always got emotional when he drank. "It's stupid, getting upset all the time," he mumbled, pushing himself into a sitting position and waiting for Haru to adjust as well before he continued. "I'm not gonna think of all the 'what ifs' or 'whens' anymore; it's wasting the time we have together. I've gotta... Be strong. For both of us."

Haru looked at him for a moment, his blue eyes softening slightly as Rin blinked away the tears in his own. "Didn't know you get philosophical when you're drunk," the dark-haired boy murmured, the ghost of a laugh in his voice. A bubble of laughter escaped Rin's own lips as he wiped the back of his hand across his eyes, leaning forward when Haru wrapped his arms around his waist.

"Life's too short." Rin decided with an air of finality, tilting his head to press a gentle kiss against Haru's lips. The blue-eyed boy reciprocated immediately, holding Rin steadier against his body. "We need to live in the present. Enjoy the time we have with our friends, together."

"I love you," Haru said quickly, almost sounding breathless, and pulled Rin into another dizzying kiss. Rin's chest felt tight, overwhelmed with emotion as he fervently kissed Haru back, heat spreading through his body half from the alcohol and half from the smaller boy's lips on his own.

"I love you too," he whispered in between feverish kisses, cupping the back of Haru's neck as he drew him that much closer. It was the first time that either of them had said it, expressed the extent of their feelings for one another. It made Rin feel even more lightheaded, and he gently rolled Haru over so he was leaning over the smaller boy, trying to blink away the haze that had settled over him before.

 

* * *

 

Months later, when Rin would startle awake in the middle of the night, or on days when Haru couldn't find his breath and needed to take his inhaler and go in for tests the next day, Rin thought back to what he had told Haru during their first trip to Tokyo. Worrying endlessly wouldn't solve their problem; living in fear would only make the time that they were able to swim together, to be together, harder on both of them. Rin told himself time and time again that even if there were so many unknown things about genetic emphysema, modern technology was more advanced than it had ever been, and that Haru was a fighter by nature.

They did travel together more, as Rin had suggested; they visited Tokyo when they could, and even went to Australia together again when Rin was on break from school. Haru was happy at work, and had ended up becoming a line cook at the restaurant that he worked at. Rin was in his third year of university, and had moved into an apartment with Haru near his campus. Things were going well, and Rin found himself panicking less when Haru needed to pause to catch his breath and take his inhaler if he exerted himself too much. Haru knew his limits, and Rin trusted him to take care of himself.

When it came down to it, Rin knew that Haru could develop further complications. He knew that Haru was scared, deep down, but that he was also brave, and didn't let his illness hold him back. He swam when he could, though he couldn't pursue it as far as he wanted. He still encouraged Rin at his own swim meets, was always there in the crowd to cheer him on and show his support. Rin realised that that was what love was— it was supporting one another, being strong together and reassuring each other when times were tough. He loved Haru, had loved him long before they had told one another how they truly felt. He wouldn't waste the time they had together, whether it was fifty days or fifty years. Haru was strong, and he would be strong, too— the two had always pushed each other to work harder, to believe in working together and the power that caring for someone else had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's read this and stuck around for so long! This was the first thing that I started on AO3, and I'm glad that a lot of you enjoyed it :)  
> (Just a sidenote: I'll be doing a shorter companion piece to this from Haru's perspective. I don't have an estimated date of release yet, but it's definitely a thing I'm going to be working on).  
> See you all next time~  
> ([daiisyzeldaa](http://www.daiisyzeldaa.tumblr.com) on Tumblr).


End file.
